So, I’m wondering, is it the rain, is it getting zapped by a traffic camera, or dropping off Terry for his first day of school that has me feeling so blue. I know, I know, I was so happy a week ago when the first day was only a week away. I’ve also been dropping him off and watching him walk through the doors for over 3 years now, so why do I feel like this? If I feel this way today, I don’t want to deal with Friday when Sarah starts. Maybe it’s just the weather… Hopefully it’s just the weather.

Terry acted excited this morning, but I could also tell he was a tiny bit frightened. Here he is going to a new school that’s 3 times the size of his old school. New kids, teachers, everything. I keep thinking if I call his old school I could get him back in and put Sarah on the list, but then what would he learn from that? I guess that would be for my own selfish reasons, but I also know he would be happy there and knows everyone.

I don’t even feel like writing this today. I haven’t written anything in a few days, and was going to do one last night and got side- tracked and today just don’t feel like it. See ya’ll later.

I stole this from Christina and I thought it would be fun too…

7 things to do before I die

1. Own a Victorian home
2. Go to Ireland
3. See my babies get married
4. Send my grandbabies home sticky from tons of sugar
5. Buy a new Suburban and 2005 Mustang
6. Learn that I’m good enough. I don’t have to have to live up to everyone else’s standards.
7. Take my best friend on a cruise, sans children.

7 things I can do

1. I can change my own oil and brakes
2. Play just about any instrument you sit in front of me
3. Tie a cherry stem in a not with my tongue (get your minds out of the gutter)
4. Piss off my mother in law without really doing anything
5. Give birth without an epidural
6. Go into labor and deliver a healthy baby in less than an hour
7. Feed a baby while driving down the highway and not swerve or get food on us both.

7 things I can not do

1. Math. I mean I guess I can, but really won’t if I don’t have to.
2. Hear certain noises from movies without getting the creeps (Silence of the Lambs, The Grudge)
3. Drive the speed limit (thanks Christina)
4. French braid
5. Make a bed without making hospital/military corners
6. Keep up with my laundry
7. Keep my house spotless

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. Smell, I love a good smelling man
2. Kindness
3. Sense of humor
4. One that doesn’t mind independence
5. Manners
6. a deep voice
7. Steady job

7 things I say most

1. Jeeze oh peets!
2. You’ll be lucky if you make it to 18
3. It’ll be a miracle from Gad himself if you live until you’re 18
4. Get it cleaned up or it’s all going in the garbage
5. Honey….. (add what ever you think is fitting)
6. I can’t deal with this
7. Damn it!

7 celebrity crushes

1. Sean Connery
2. Nicholas Cage
3. Tom Cruise
4. Vin Diesel (mmmmmmmm, yummy)
5. Will Smith
6. Tommy Lee Jones (I know he’s getting old, but he’s still yummy)
7. Angelina Jolie (I know gross, but she’s just hot)

7 people I want to take this quiz

1. Anyone who reads this
2. Everybody
3. Alex
4. Rita
5. Vicki
6. Did I already say anyone?
7. Somebody? Anybody?

Okay I’m done now. I’m sure you all are shaking your heads, but hey, this is just me.

The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying interview me.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

***************************************************************************************

1.If you could go back and re live one day in your life,what day would it be? Why?

October 28, 1985. That was the day my Pappaw died. I’ve written here and there about being adopted by my grandparents, so he was my dad. Anyways, I was in the 6th grade that year and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Pappaw was sick for months, I knew something was going on, but was to young to really understand. I remember it was warm out, kinda like early spring and when I walked up the walk he was sitting in a chair inside the screendoor. This was the first time he had been out of bed in over a month. Now when I look back I feel I kinda took things for granted and thought everything would be okay. I played the Alto Sax for several years and he loved to hear me play. He asked me when I came in if I would play for a bit just for him, but I blew him off in typical preteen stubbornness. I wish I had sat down, even if for just a few minutes and played for him, but instead I didn’t and that was my last chance. He died that evening. Mammaw transferred me to a private school the following year and when I had the chance to play in band again we went through the rental and joining the high school band, but I never felt the same and needless to say haven’t touched a Sax since then.

So there in a nut shell is the one thing I would change, just to go back and play for him one more time.

2.What is your biggest complaint of others?

Ignorance and there is plenty of it in our world.

3.If you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be ? Why?

I would lose about 100 lbs. I was always a bone rack growing up and when I got pregnant with my first baby I packed on the pounds. I wouldn’t want to go back to the size I was before, but would be happier (and healthier) if I lost some weight.

4.If you could be a millionaire or live comfortably with a few struggles but guaranteed happiness..What would you chose?

Live comfortably with a few struggles and be happy. If you were a millionaire and had everything, what would you look forward to?

5.What is your biggest fear?

Okay first I have to say God forbid. I was told once of you speak your fears out loud the devil will hear them and act on them. I know first hand this is true, I’ve experienced it. Someday I might blog it.

This was an actual dream I had once and it still haunts me. You know the day that the church has always prepared us for, the end. I know that when I go I’m going to heaven. My fear is that my husband won’t go with me. He’s not a bad person or anything like that, but he lost his faith about 9 years ago. It scares me to think that he may not believe anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the person who goes to church every Sunday or reads my bible often, but I am safe in my faith and trust in God. I’m always able to answer the LDS missionaries, without a hitch or a bit of doubt, when they ask me if I died today would I go to Heaven. I just pray that someday he will regain his faith, if he hasn’t already. We really don’t discuss it much, my pastor told me not to push him, so I don’t. I believe that someday he will come around.

Eyesore of the Neighborhood

These are really the only bad houses this side of Grand (the other side is entirely another story). They are owned by the same person, go figure. He not only has 2 empty homes sitting here, he also keeps his broken down Suburban parked in front of them. They have been turned into the city multiple times and nothing is ever done… I wonder who he knows. Anyways we found out that thankfully they will not affect our property values because both of our neighbors have nice homes and the houses across the street are in good condition. Seriously though, there are skunks and raccoons living in the garages and yards, the houses have been broken into many times, windows are broken, just everything about them. Even the tree out by the sidewalk has weeds growing up around it. So anyways this is our neighborhood eyesore.

Photos Taken in Secret

OMHeavens! Terry went up to turn off the bedroom lights, after all my children’s’ fingers are broken and they can’t do it. He comes back down and says “You have to see this”. I’m thinking what now, what have they done this time? Did they smear another tube of lipstick on the wall? Have they ground more play dough into the carpet? Oh, I know, they took the TV apart again? Anywhooo, I venture up the stairs, preparing myself for whatever threat lies beyond the doorway. I go in to see they have taken the shelf apart, crawled onto it like it were a bunkbed and went to sleep. Terry knowing the scrapbooker I am told me to grab my camera before I went up. So I got this great picture of their discreet message to get them all big kid beds.

Funny Sign In Our Area

I have to say first I didn’t take this picture. However it is in our area about a half hour from me. It’s funny, we all make jokes as we pass it. I’ve never been there before, just passed by, but hear it’s just beautiful. They have a huge lake and camping area, everything. Guess I’ll have to eventually venture over and take a look.

Tattoos are art. They are a sign of something special to the wearer and the creator. They signify something. They are unfairly judged, at least those who wear them are.

Well, I got my first one Saturday. It’s nothing really, just my name (online name). I know that sounds silly, but I’ve been Charmed1 for a long time. I’ve deviated from the name here and there, but generally use that or an acronym of it. For SOCOM I’m Charmed1, but we have a lot of “1″ names, IOU1, Stupid1, Awesome1, and a couple others I think. Anyways Charmed1 is now on my back. Permanently. You know everyone told me it would hurt and it did. I will admit there were a few times I felt like clawing out poor Tony’s eyes, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone said it would be. It felt like the cat was scratching me over and over again and I wanted to strangle the cat for not stopping, but I survived. No tears, no screaming or whimpering, just an occasional wince here and there. My brother’s girlfriend told me they are addicting and I agree, I already have my next 2 or 3 picked out. Some may wonder why you would want to permanently mark your body, but hey I wonder a lot of things about people, then realize it’s none of my business or it must be important to them.

Less Than a Week

Kids start school next week. I can’t believe it’s that time again. I know, I said I couldn’t wait, but it’s kind of a bitter sweet feeling. Although I am ready for my “break”, I’m gonna miss having all 4 together to go do things. Okay, so no I won’t. I mean going to the store is like going into front line during a war. I would rather get a tooth pulled. What I will miss is going to the pool with all 4, going to the park, spending the day veg-ing. I’ll miss the chaos. I still can’t get over my oldest going into the 3rd grade and Sarah, who is so tiny and petite, being in kindergarten. Where did the time go? I remember bringing Terry home from the hospital, I remember wanting to lunge across the room to strangle that prick, who said Sarah couldn’t come home. They grow to fast. At this rate it seems like it will be tomorrow that I’m sending them off to college. I think Cody still has a couple of weeks before he starts. Preschool generally starts 3 to 4 weeks after regular school. Poor little Ian is going to be so lost without them all. I’m sure he’ll follow me from room to room. Oh, wait, he already does that.

Scrapbooking

I’m sitting here looking at all that I have accumulated over the past 3 years and I think it’s time I got my head outta my butt and started back up. Just doing one here and there doesn’t warrant all this stuff or purchasing more. I actually cancelled all of my monthly club subscriptions (gasp), that hurt. I figure though if I go to their sites and see a kit I would like I can always order “just that kit”. I was getting kits from 3 different places and all 3 always had 2 monthly kits and I of course got both. What scrapper can resist? All the pretty papers, ribbons and embellishments? I do need more idea books though, but they’ll have to wait too. There are more pressing things we need. I think I’m feeling the scrap bug biting come to think of it. I’m getting the itch to create. I know one page I will definitely do, getting my tattoo. I have plenty of pictures there. Tony was a good sport about the pictures. If I don’t find a job, I’ll have 2-3 hours a day to create. Bwahahahahaha! The things I could do in that time. I do need to get a new book for Sarah, she is so proud of hers she always gets it out and the last time she dropped it and ripped the cover off. I saw a really cute one at Wal-Marts. Cody needs one too, he has my original book, the one I had since day 1. I need to do one of my childhood, I have this photobox full of pictures of my childhood and I think I want to make a separate book for that. Maybe I’ll make that my goal. Scrap my childhood pictures and have them done before Christmas. So here’s what I need to do 1. Get 3 scrapbooks- 1 for Cody, 1 for Sarah and 1 for my childhood book; 2. Organize my childhood pictures, that will make it easier to scrap them; 3. Catch up or more like even out how many pages each child has in their book.

Okay, I have things I have to do around the house. After all, Terry took the rest of his vacation and has been home since Friday. My house is a wreck. I swear he’s worse than the kids. I’m constantly picking up after him. Of course I miss the adult company, then again I couldn’t get to my computer because he took it over playing games. SO anyways, I am out of here and will catch up more later.

This one was fun. I love my hobby and God knows I have WAYYYYYYY to much stuff. I scrapbook. I used to scrap every Tuesday and Sunday night when Terry was playing SOCOM, way before I joined in the madness. Then I scrapped when I would get the itch. Now it’s just now and then. I still love to do it, but just haven’t felt motivated. So anyways, here goes….

Tools of My Hobby

Yes, there is a ton of paper, but this is really mild compared to many scrappers. Ribbon and paper is a psychiatric issue to which there is no cure.

Something I Made

Mother’s Day 2005

I have 6 books full of layouts, but this one was handy. It’s also one of my better ones.

Something I Want To Get Rid Of

My Kitchen

I HATE my kitchen!! From the too tall cabinets, to the dark blue carpet. I don’t so much mind the paneling, it’s a light colored natural looking wood, but the wall paper above it makes me want to hurl. This is one of the first “home improvements” we plan on, well other than replacing the windows, but I’m not talking necessity. The windows have to be replaced, they’re way old, some are cracked (thanks kids!), and the one in my bedroom, is crooked, so that has to be done first. The kitchen could wait, but we live really close to some of the cabinet and door manufacturers and they have excellent deals on scratch and dents. I’m not to proud. The carpet has to go in there. Why would you carpet the kitchen, you’re just asking for a mess.

So there you have it, my SPF.

Okay, so it’s not one of my biggest fears. It was just something I did not want to happen. I even strived to keep it from happening, but knew eventually it might. NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT! How could you even think of such a thing?!? I called Terry’s school today and found out they don’t have room for Sarah. I don’t have long to post right now, but just wanted to say this. I have to go get Terry’s school records, Sarah’s shot records, and more school supplies. Then I have to head over to their new school and get them enrolled. Jeesh. Why can’t I always get my way? Between this and bad customer service this morning, I think I’ll go be pissy for a few. I only get a few, because I have to put on my best face for the pediatrician (WOW! Is he hot!!) and their new school.

Be back later.

PS Hurry up Alex and get to Chicago!!! We miss you all ready!! Oh and it’s not fair, Drgnfly gets to check him out everyday and cook for him and….. Oh well, I can only dream of having him here, after all he’s like a brother….

Like pulling teeth, I finally got Terry to tell me what crawled up his arse. So, guess what?!?! I’m a cold person! Who would have thunk it? Christ! Because I don’t jump up and run to the door everytime he walks in with a kiss, I’m cold. Because I didn’t jump up and down and tell him he was a god for doing a side job to finance my tattoo, I’m cold. There were many other things to go along with the above. I’m sorry, I am raising 4 children. I am home ALLLLLLLLL day long with them. I do occasionally get tired, but I guess I’m not supposed to. I did ask when was the last time he told me he loved me without being prompted, he couldn’t answer that one. So does he give me a kiss when I come in from being gone? No. The tattoo/side job thingy, well hell, I was in the middle of a fight or flight feeling at my mother’s house. Was I supposed to drop everything and jump up and down with joy? I finally told him I would schedule a day when I could get him, his mother and my mother together, I would bring a notebook and they could continue to tell me how wretched I am. Please excuse my bitching, currently I am over it all, I refuse to deal with any of it. I can’t.

School
Woooooohooooo!! Only a week and a half until school starts! I really love my kids, but hey, I need a break too sometimes. Sarah will be starting kindergarten and Terry will be in the 3rd this year and Cody will be in preschool. It’ll be just Ian and me for the next year or 2. Where does the time go? They grow to fast. I miss my itty bitty babies. I think I’m going to try to find a part time job or something. I need to get out into the real world. I was not, and I’m secure enough to say it, cut out to be a stay at home mom. I am trying to get Terry and Sarah into the same school, we’re currently out of Terry’s school district, but he’s been there for 3 years now and has been okayed to stay. I called today and left a message for the principal to see if there is room for her. If there isn’t, then regretfully, I’ll have to pull Terry and put them over here in our district. It’s just to much running to drop off 3 kids at 3 different schools, when they all have to be at school at the same time. I hate the idea of it, I love Terry’s school, I know all of the teachers and staff. So keep your fingers crossed that she can go there.

Jake
Have I ever mentioned my 30 pound cat? He is the true definition of Fat Bastard. He is so huge! The vet keeps telling me he needs to be on a diet, and I have cut way back on his food, but he doesn’t lose weight. He whines like he’s being starved to death, then chews a hole in the dog’s food bag. He is such a great kitty. He loves the kids and has put up with all of the tail and ear pulling. He takes it all with stride. He hates to be left alone, he acts like we’ve been gone a month if we leave for the day. I almost lost him though. He was acting weird and had this softball (circumference) size lump on his back right at the base of his spine. When I took him in, the Dr said If I had waited a day longer he would have been gone. His temperature was 105.6. Way to high for an animal or human. He honestly hadn’t started acting weird until the night before. Bless his little heart. I adopted him from the pound, I really didn’t want him, but he was all over me and would cry when I’d put him back in the cage. He had been there long enough he had been moved to the back. I’m sure our “no-kill” shelter was getting ready to put him down. I hate that place. Anywhoo, I brought him home and he’s been with me ever since. Terry didn’t even realize we had him until he came flying out one night, 3 nights after I got him. Terry would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch and Jake would race around the house, pouncing on Terry sometimes. It was a riot. I’ll be heart broken when his time is up. His only flaw is he likes to pee on Terry’s work shirts, which in hand, I have to listen to Terry bitch about him and how he’s gonna toss him outside. So I try to do everything I can to make sure Jake doesn’t. Of course if I could figure out a way to piss on those shirts right now I would too. Kidding!! Really I am!! The basket Jake is in hold a bag and a half of ice with room to spare, just to give an idea of how big he really is.

Oh well, it is so late and I have to get up and get back into the get the kids ready for school mode, so I’ll end it here. See ya’ll on the flip side!!

Today I’m speechless. Last night went to hell in a handbasket with my family. My stepmom made it rather apparent how she feels about me and my unruly kids. Huge fight. I don’t make them behave, I let them do whatever they want, so forth and so on. This morning my husband says I part of a problem, but can’t tell me what problem that is. My dad called me this morning and told me if I came to the family picnic and “showed my ass” I would be shown the door. If I came and didn’t bring the kids, with me I wouldn’t be allowed in. I swear, all I did when my stepmom started yelling at me was get my kids together and bring them home. I did not, did NOT show my ass. She was the one yelling at me. There were plenty of family members there to witness that. Terry and I drove separate, he brought the kids and I drove his car. When I pulled up in front of the house I 3 bawling kids, all upset because they wanted to stay with “grandma”. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I called her and let her know that upsetting me was one thing, but when it affects my kids, it’s on. I was told pretty much I’m a bad mother and I was raised to be trash. I know I’m not perfect, my kids are far from angel status, but I do the best that I can. I’m sure, I know her pretty well, that I’ve been made out to be the bad guy. I’m just so tired. I can barely see, my eyes are so swollen from crying. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Most mom’s my age think I’m WAY to strict on my kids, she thinks I’m not strict enough. She even at one point said I needed Nanny 911. My kids are not by any means, that bad. They are siblings, they occasionally fight, that’s normal. They do not sass me, and if they do it’s treated appropriately. If they sass another adult, it’s treated appropriately. I mean shit, that was my OCD, was trying to make sure my kids acted decent in public and in other’s homes. Well anyways, I have to get ready to endure one more day of hell and it’ll will be over until at least Thanksgiving… Or so I hope.

It was great I got to spend another evening with my brother, he’s great. Have I mentioned how much he means to me? I’m sure I have. We just sat around drinking and talking shit. His wife is great too, I love her, she is just a riot. Grandma will be coming in town tomorrow, talk about having a hill fest!! When you get us all together, get a case or 2 of beer in us, your side hurt the next day from laughing so hard. It’s always the best time and I’m always sad when everyone goes to their respective homes. Everyone is so far away. But, I will enjoy them while they are here and won’t think of it ending again so soon.

A Look Into Our Past

Our dad was in the military when the 3 of us were born up until he was injured and lost his sight. I was less than a year old and of course don’t remember what started it all. Best I know from the earliest point was our mother (I use that term loosely) was more into her drugs and little parties than she was into raising us. When my dad would be away on maneuvers, she would invite her friends over and usually have a boyfriend there too.

When I was 11 months old she called her dad, my pappaw, and asked for help. When he got there things were so bad he took us home with him. I guess it was shortly after that my dad was hurt. He knew our step-mom (who we all think of as our mom) through a friend of a friend, you get the picture, but they were just acquaintances. Anyhow, our parents got a divorced and went their separate ways, our mother quite content to not have to worry about the 3 burdens she had. After our dad’s surgery everyone agreed that our mom had her hands full with trying to help our dad to learn with his new handicap and that my brother’s would go with them and I would stay with our grandparents. So this that and the other happened over the years and my brothers were raised by our mom and dad and I was adopted and raised by our grandparents. Nothing like growing up as an only child when you have brothers in another state. I was happy where I was, mammaw and pappaw were all I knew. They were my world. I always loved my mom and dad and even tried to have a relationship, however shitty it was, with our biological mother. My brothers have had nothing to do with her and I can understand why, I mean how are you supposed to feel about someone who walks out on you. As a matter of fact I’ve just in the last few years, after my step-dad passed away, severed ties with her, she did it to herself. Hopefully this explains where some of my comments in past posts came from. All that matters now is we have each other, we’re happy with our families and our lives.

All in all I think we all turned out pretty good. I have 2 great brothers, who have great families of their own. I think I’m the only one who ended up a little screwed up, speaking of, I forgot to take my meds today…LOL. I think I actually inherited my anxiety issues from my dad, nothing like a xanax at the end of the day. Kidding really! I only take one when I need it. Okay, end of my sob story, I’m over it.